A Serious Poem

I had the incredible good fortune of winning Heat 8 of Word War Three on Tuesday.  This means I now have a place in the final on December 6.  I was probably one of the most amazed people in the room when the results were announced because the calibre of poetry on the stage that evening was incredible.

The picture on the right is me collecting my prize from the incredible Kieran King.

I don’t have words to say how amazing the whole evening was.  So, instead, I’ll simply share a serious poem.

A Serious Poem
Today isn’t just the first day of the rest of your life
It’s another day closer to your inevitable death
When life gives you lemons
Suck them and cry 
because life is bitter.
Life is like riding a bicycle
You fall off and die.
What doesn’t kill you
Only prolongs the inevitable
Life is like a box of chocolates:
Expensive, fattening and ultimately disappointing.
Life is a tragedy for those who feel
A comedy for those who think
And a living hell for those of us who work for a living.
After the game the king and the pawn go into the same box

Only the bishop is shaped like a butt-plug.

The She-Hulk

It’s been a while since I’ve shared a poem on here. Since I’m going to be participating in September’s Word War 3MT event (heat eight) at Affleck’s in Manchester, I figured it was time to remember my poetry roots.  

This is a poem I haven’t yet had a chance to try out on an audience.   I dedicate it to the woman I love. 

The She-Hulk
by Ashley Lister

“Don’t make me angry,” she said.
“You wouldn’t like me when I’m angry,” she said.
“I’m like the Incredible Hulk.”
“You’re like the Hulk?” I repeated. “Because you’re bursting out of your clothes?”
She said, “No.”
“You’re like the Hulk?” I tried again. “Because you’re green in places.”
She said, “No.”
“You’re like the Hulk?” I tried, “Because you’re so much bigger than normal size.”
She said nothing.
“You’re like the Hulk?” I asked, “Because you’re inarticulate? Monosyllabic?”
She didn’t say anything.
She just hit me.
Really bloody hard.

Just like the Incredible Hulk would have done.