My 2016 novel Raven and Skull is now available as an audiobook. The Kindle and Paperback versions have also been slightly revised with updated covers and lightly polished content. And, in celebration of the book being made available as an audiobook, I’m organising an audiobook giveaway this week with more details below.
Earlier this week I mentioned some of the horrific things that have happened to me, personally, whilst I’d been learning that life in an office is a living hell. Whenever I think back to those days, one of the most worrying memories came from the confrontation between the Accountant and the Sales Manager.
These two gentlemen both went for their lunch with the owner of the business. And, because they were a pair of sycophantic bastards, they frequently argued over which one of them was going to buy the boss’s cup of tea that day.
I was just an office lackey, and no one ever wanted to go for lunch with me, or buy me a cup of tea (OK, I was a miserable bastard and, whenever I’d been invited to go for lunch, I’d always pretended to have sandwiches, or allergies, or dysentery, or some other convenient excuse that me an unwelcome dinner companion).
But Alan from Accounts and Sam from Sales (names changed to protect the innocent) invariably went with the boss to the local café.
One lunchtime they returned in obviously bad moods.
Alan, it transpired, had taken a pound coin belonging to Sam. Sam wanted it back. Alan called him petty. Sam insisted. Alan threw a pound coin at him. Sam insisted they resolve this matter outside.
Up to this point, this probably sounds like typical shenanigans of those who work in an office and are challenged by an abundance of testosterone. Perhaps that was the cause. But both of these gentlemen were in their 70s.
The sight of two septuagenarians trading punches is one that will haunt my nightmares forever. I couldn’t stand either man, although I was rooting for Sam because I despise Accounts Managers on principle. It wasn’t exactly WWF but I watched the pair for a few minutes, making sure Sam was able to get a couple of solid blows in, before I stepped in to intervene and try to make them see sense.
And I mention this in the context of things being horrific in offices because I am horrified that I might one day become a post-retirement old man, in an office, having a stand-up-knock-down fistfight with a man who’s older than Grandpa Simpson.
The theme of this novel is that office work is a living hell. So, to be in with a chance of winning a free copy of the Raven and Skull audiobook, simply tell me: what’s your most embarrassing story from working in an office?
Email: firstname.lastname@example.org and I’ll be selecting a random winner by Sunday 8th August 2021.